Finally Tasting The Sweetness of The Hidden Life

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              Psalm 34:8 

Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

Yesterday, was my 35th birthday and it was by far the best birthday I ever had because I had finally tasted the sweetness of the hidden life! The Lord had given me that rhema so many times this past year and the most painful times in my life. I struggled with that word and began to ask the Lord to please help me then to taste the sweetness because all I kept feeling was pain. You see too hide yourself in the Lord is one thing but, to be hidden by God is another. Many of us want to be in the public eye, want our world to surround around us, to be noticed, recognized, honored and esteemed by others. However, I now know the hidden life is where its at! Especially a hidden life in Christ where your virtues and gifts go unnoticed, people tend to think of you as insignificant and where you live a life in obscurity in the eyes of the world but, tasting the very real, sweet and physical presence and love of our Lord.  I was reading one of the holy books where it mentioned that “Jesus loved his life of obscurity more than he did his public life where he was known for the sign and wonders he performed”.

We live in a generation that despises obscurity and has such a compulsion to share everything. With social media everything becomes news, publicity, instant, such a strong desire to show others what is going on in our lives and we become self centered then God centered even as christians. Especially, if you are called to ministry there is such a tendency to want to expose yourself, promote yourself and your ministry. Rather, than allowing the Lord to keep you tucked away, hidden, in that dark room where he can process you, train you, teach you, grow you, stretch you and build you up. We can despise that hidden place the Lord calls us too because there you have no praise, no respect, no honor from men but, we have it from the Lord. Only if we would realize and desire that would be enough, only then can you tase the sweetness of the hidden life.

I struggled with that for a long while when the Lord called me to lay everything down to follow him. Every year he would continuously tell me to wait..wait…wait… and wait some more. I didn’t understand what it is I was waiting for as I began to take my eyes off of Him and look to others in comparison who seemed to be doing wonderful things for the Lord. It seemed he would continue to sit me on the shelf and push me back further and further. I now realize he was drawing me deeper and deeper to himself! Away from any creature that my affection will solely before him alone. Oh, how I have prayed that and desired that with my whole heart and this year he has cleaned the throne room of my heart where all that sits is him! Every birthday I would make it a big deal, throw big parties, have photoshoots, worship nights, dinners however, this year felt different. After going through one of the most toughest trials in my walk as I answered the call to a religious life as a Franciscan sister. Which cost me almost all my relationships, friendships, comforts and titles. I found myself truly now hidden in Christ and stripped of everything besides the lover of my soul. I found myself so full of peace, joy, contentment, hope and such great love words can’t even explain. The pain of having everything and everyone removed from me was so worth now having Jesus alone in the throne room of my heart and the center of my life. WHAT FREEDOM!!!

I had told him that I wanted to offer my birthday for those souls who were forgotten, rejected, abandoned, and felt so unloved. That all the consolations, gifts and graces he would give me for my birthday would be given to those souls instead . I prayed that he would make those in my community forget my birthday and I wouldn’t tell anyone as well. I deactivated my facebook so no one could reach out or would remember because I wanted to be forgotten and take on the cross of those who are forgotten.  I wanted my celebration to between me and Jesus hidden in his heart. What do you know, the Lord answers my prayer! lol.  I woke up that morning with a praise song on my heart as rushed into the pasture to our Blessed Mothers Praying tree to worship with the Lord and all the saints. I had the most amazing time ever!!! I found myself before the physical presence of Jesus as a priest I had my monstrance before me ( which is an open or transparent receptacle in which the consecrated Host is exposed for veneration)
 on some crates as I danced and worshiped all morning long with Jesus, the saints and the angels. I always have a playlist and ask holy spirit to pick the songs and he even played a birthday song which was so awesome letting me know how present he truly was. There were many times I broke down in tears, sobbing at God’s faithfulness in my life and his immense mercy towards me. That he had answered the cry of my heart all those nights, trials, battles, I would get on my knees asking him that I wanted more of him, that I wanted him to be my sole desire, that I wanted  to know his heart and be one with him, that I wanted to be filled with his spirit…. he has answered. As I was on my knees before His physical presence he had indeed given me himself fully, body, soul and divinity to me. That He had now come become my sole desire and affection after stripping me of everyone and everything all I had was him. In obsucrity, on my birthday, on my knees, with no one else around before Blessed Mothers sacred praying tree in the wilderness. I had finally found and tasted the sweetens of the hidden life!

So my dear friend, don’t despise humble beginning, don’t despise that hidden place the Lord has you in or is calling you into. A life out of the public eye in the wilderness in a retreat to the closest heart that matters. That of your Lord and Savior in complete obscurity to those in the world but, very visible, known and lavishly loved by the lover of your soul Jesus. There in lies true happiness, true joy, true peace, true purpose, true contentment and true sweetness!

 

 

“The hidden life seems gloomy to you because you have never tasted it’s sweetness”

-Jesus
(rhema word)

-From Jesus With Love

You Seek Me But You Dont Trust Me -Jesus

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I woke up two night ago with a dream that disturbed me a little. I couldn’t quite understand the meaning and wasn’t sure what I needed to do or even how to pray. So I sought the Lord with a quick prayer and used my rhema cards to get a word from Holy Spirit concerning what to do. He then gave me this rhema word:

“Seek me for me. You Seek me but you don’t trust in me that’s what makes you go off on your own.”- Jesus

Tears immediately began to roll down my cheeks as it hit my heart so tenderly. I could just hear Jesus’s hurt behind these words. Yes, we can move Gods heart to pain when we don’t trust him. I began to think how faithful he had been, how he had come thru for me so many times in this short but intimate relationship we have had for almost 4 years now and I stood before him still not yet trusting him.

Matthew 8:26
“You of little faith,” Jesus replied, “why are you so afraid?”

Imagine being in a relationship with someone who you have given your entire self too. You have been patient with them through many times of betrayals, their wandering, their rejection of your love yet you never left. Faithfully available for them whenever they needed, always there to comfort, give an encouraging word, guidance and love. Yet after being with you for so many years they confess that they really don’t trust you. That would be so painful and that’s what I felt in that moment how easily wavered I am in my heart with the Lord. My weakness yet again naked before the one I love However, I am so grateful that he is always willing to expose this issues of my heart so I don’t continue on in our relationship like this

Then secondly as he mentioned too “Seek me for Me”. That hit a chord as well realizing sadly searched my heart to see if indeed I had  become a seeker of things, of answers or even going thru the motions rather than relationship with him. I felt his tenderness and grief over this as well because many seek the Lord for selfish motives. For breakthrough, for blessings, for favor, for knowledge, for clarity, and the list can go on and on. Now these things aren’t bad to seek the Lord on but when that becomes the #1 motive then we have lost relationship with HIM. He is by no means a far off distant, unrelatable, irrelevant God. No, Jesus is so very real and as He is God, He is also fully man so he too has REAL EMOTIONS and NEEDS that many forgot or haven’t been taught. He desires relationship and how many of us seek the Lord daily just for HIS sake? Just to be with Him, to console him, to love Him, to communion with Him, to see how his day is going, to hear his heart? Imagine being in a relationship with someone who sought you for what they can get rather then who you are…hmm

Isaiah 29:19
Therefore the Lord said: “These people draw near to Me with their mouths and honor Me with their lips, but their hearts are far from Me.

So I came before the Lord utterly broken, naked and repentant before him for hurting his tender heart as I did with my lack of faith in him. I just layed at his feet in worship and allowed myself to just enjoy his presence to get a word, see anything, get revelation or understanding but just to be with my beloved. Who was longing for my sincere affection and attention so I gave it. As I honestly said Jesus continue to grow my trust in you Lord and taking a deep breath still unknown about a lot of things and this season of wilderness I said ” Jesus I Trust You, Jesus I Trust You, Jesus I Trust You”.

So my friend if  you can be honest with yourselves are you really trusting the Lord or are you still struggling in that area as many of us do. Go back to seeking him just to be with him as you did in the beginning and take his had firmly with all your fears, insecurities and doubts with a deep breath saying “Jesus I Trust You, Jesus I Trust You, Jesus I Trust You”

 

-From Jesus with Love

Tasting The Bitter Cup…..When Your Sister Buys The Wrong Juice for Communion

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Luke 22:42
“Father,” he said, “if you will, take this cup of suffering away from me. Not my will, however, but your will be done.” 

That was my face when I excitedly rushed into my room with this new and rather large jug of “juice” I had asked my sister to purchase for me to do communion. As I took my cracker thanking the Lord and taking my cup to gulp down this sweet wine, my face contorted as the juice touched my tongue. I thought to myself eeek what is this and in my knee jerk reaction I wanted to stop taking the juice but I knew I couldn’t because this was indeed Gods blood and I couldn’t reject that. At that very moment thoughts flooded my mind of the bitter cup that Jesus drank for me, for the whole world and he wanted me to have a taste of it. I had to laugh because I knew this was the doing of the Holy Spirit, he wanted me to have a real  experience in tasting the Lord’s bitter cup and his body in my communion service.  You see I had asked my sister to get me grape juice and without looking she got ” 64 Fl oz DIET cranberry -pomegranate  juice” eeek its something awful. Taste like that medicine your parents had to force every child to take in order that you feel better. However, I recognized how witty  the Holy Spirit was and smiled in that moment realizing this is the biggest communion juice I had ever purchased so I would be drinking this bitter cup for a while. Oh, brother lol

Communion is something I believe in the church can become something we do religiously taking it for granted. Many times we recite the same thing “thanking the Lord for his body and blood what was done on the cross so we may be free” forgetting  the true meaning behind Eucharist. We can forget that when we take communion we are telling the Lord I will share with you in your suffering. I too Lord will drink this bitter cup. You see when Jesus was at Gethsemane in travailing prayer for what would have to come upon him to redeem the whole world he too reconsidered, hesitated to even drinking the cup but, yielded his will to the Father for his glory and because of love. Yet many times we are eager to take communion because its the first of the month at church or to remember our sins are forgiven forgetting we too are making a commitment to suffer with the Lord in these trying times. Then when we find ourselves in trials or inconveniences, hardships, tribulation we so desperately what to get out and be delivered quickly. Many of us even get angry with the Lord regarding what he allows in our life but…did you forget you drank the cup on that first Sunday at church. By taking communion you said ” Lord I too will drink this bitter cup of whatever you allow and I declare not my will be done but yours”.

Luke 22:19-20
And He took the bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is My body, given for you; do this in remembrance of Me.” In the same way, after supper He took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in My blood, which is poured out for you.

The Lord ask of us to do this in remembrance of him. In remembrance of what he suffered for us the humiliation, rejection, torture, betrayal, slander/reproach, shame, heartache, loneliness, isolation, brokenness to name a few but as he gave the cup he said this is my blood which is pour out for you. How many are willing to suffer for the Lord in this way because when you take communion that is what you are telling him. I too will drink the cup. I too will be poured out as a drink offering, a living sacrifice for you Lord.  As I drink of this bitter cup and eat of your body yes, Lord  I give my entire self to you as you have given your entire self to me, not my will  but your will be done in my life.

Philippians 2:17
But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy.

So the next time you take communion I would encourage you to ponder over these things just for a moment to really connect with the heart of God before you partake of his blood and you eat of his body are you willing to be one with him in that way. If so as you drink the “sweet church juice” remembering  for the joy set before him he endured his cross and how sweet that is for us all who would call upon him. So for the joy set before you endure patiently whatever trial that he allows joining your suffering to his knowing that he will restore every bitter moment in your life into sweet joy!

-From Jesus with Love