God Do You See Me

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The God who sees

The God who knows you

The God who created you

The God who formed you

Isaiah 43:1

But now, thus says the Lord who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel;

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by your name; you are Mine.

For the past two days this scripture has been going through my mind and heart as I began to really meditate deeply on each word, each sentence over and over again allowing it to sink deeply in my heart. That this was not just a prophecy that Isaiah was speaking to Israel nor was it just for our for Father Jacob but this scripture was meant for me…for you. The Lord is speaking directly to me and to everyone of his children who have felt forgotten, rejected, and even worthless. This all began after watching the amazing TV sereis “ The Chosen” which I encourage all believers to watch and to please share with everyone. It has touched my heart in way that I can’t explain. It’s a sereis about the life of Jesus, I know some maybe reading this and thinking yea we have seen so many Jesus movies but, this one is different. The writing is so impeciable that it has to be truly Holy Spiirt inspired and heavenly indeed. It depicts not only the life of Jesus but, his heart, personality, character also that of all the apostles and their lives before encountering Jesus. You get to know each one, their own stories and life who they were and how they became different after meeting the Messiah.  It draws you in so deeply, and the first season leaves you hanging for so much more. 

The first episode introduces Matthew, Simon Peter , Andrew, Nicodemus and the main character of the episode Mary Magdalene. It shows her life in despair not only by being a prostitue by the name of “lilith” but dealing with demonic manifistations that cause her to go into spells where the demons attack people. It shows her in the beginning as a small girl , innocent and scared ccoming to her father who remindes her to recite Isaiah 43:1 anytime she is afriad. She has a doll that she is holding and now older has kept that doll and tries to recite the prayers after the demonic spell but to no avial  she tares the prayer up and throws it in the water. She becomes hopeless and was about to commit sucicde then Jesus comes. As she enters a tavern drinking a concution to num her from the pain Jesus, the Messiah appears seemingly out of no where telling her that she doesn’t have to do that any more. The demons within her want to run from Jesus so she asked Him to leave her alone and begans to walk out of the tavern. Jesus follows her out and calls her by her real name “Mary of Magdala”. She is utter shock and says who are you and he recites Isiah 43:1….Thus says the Lord who created you…
It ends with her breaking in tears in his arms as he frees her from all the demons.

This scene has replayed over and over in my mind. I have never been a prostitue or raped but, how I can relate to Mary Magdalene if we were honest we all can. I was once a girl who was hurt by the world and striving to be seen. I was once a girl who was afraid, felt so forgotten by God and thought my prayers fell on empty ears. I was once a a girl tormented by demonic attacks, so fearful of the dark and thought the demons had power over me. I was once a girl who was insecure and wasn’t happy with who I was. I was once a girl who felt hopeless thinking “this is the story of my life” nothing would ever change as certain cycles would happen over and over again.  THEN I MET HIM, I MET JESUS and just one look my way changed everything.

It was through my first prophetic word from my cousin October 2014 after 29 years of living life for myself, praying empty prayers, crying out to the Lord but not seeing any manifestation when she said “God has not forgotten you…help is on the way”  with tears in my eyes that I realized “He sees me”. He had heard every cry of my heart before then, had heard every prayer and catched every tear, he saw me. Then after that I made a decision to give my life to him fully surrendering Jan 1, 2015 telling him I was afraid to give him complete control but, I would if he wanted it then immeaditely my phone dinged with a notification which happened to be the bible verse of the day 

Isaiah 41:10
Don’t be afraid for I am your God, Don’t be discouraged for I am with you. I am here to help you and strengthen you. I will lift you up victoriously with my right hand

“He saw me again and answered me” I was in tears, God sees me. You beloved one, reading this God sees you too, he hears you, He is right there with you, and he will never leave you. Since seeing this episode my heart has been burden for the many who feel forgotten by God the many who don’t realize how personal and familiar he is in our day to day lives. He is God who does life with us and he is speaking all the time but, many don’t recognize it. As we tend to base on our relationship with God on how are lives are going rather than who He is. Hagar is great example being some one of a lower class in her time, a servant to Sarah, Abraham wife and not only that but his mistress who bore Ishmael. Who wasn’t even the promised child but when Sarah got upset with Hagar and jealous kicking her and Ishamel out of the house God saw her and met her where she was at.In the wilderness with a hungry child who was dying, a servant, low income, of no worth in the eyes of the world, a mistress, with a bastard child yet God saw her and heard her cry and delivered her. As she cried out “He is the God who sees”

Genesis 16:13
She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”

I don’t know what is going on in your life, or who the world has labled you to be. You may be of no worth in the eyes of the world, your peers, your family, your loved one or even your spouse. You may feel so alone, hurting so bad, tormented even but I am here to tell you that God sees you beloved. He knows you by name, He created you and formed every detail of your being. From the number of hairs on your head, to that that figure you don’t like so much, to that nose you complain about to that character flaw you wish you could get rid of, to that heart only He can see and repair. Yes my beloved one, He knows you by name, so don’t fear anymore. Don’t fear the storm that is surrounding you, don’t fear the past that you regret or the future that you cannot see, don’t fear being alone because He will always be with you. He has redeemed every detail of your life and you are his. Before the foundation of the world, yes, the Holy One of Israel, Jesus Christ breathed you from his heart  and sent you into this world. And the day you were born he told all of heaven and earth “THIS ONE, IS MINE”. You are His beloved and he has great things in store for you don’t give up He loves you. Help is on the way…God sees you.

-From Jesus With Love

Living To Die…. Becoming A Laid Down Lover of Jesus

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(amazing photo credits: Kevin Carden Photography)

Unfortunately, the christian life especially in our generation has turned into giving your life to Jesus for what you can get rather than laying down your life for Jesus to become just like him. God calls us all as Christians to a higher purpose, a higher standard of living, and a higher standard of love if we would only yield ourselves to it. However, many times we hear the statement…”Christ died so that you may live” when in actuality “Christ died so that YOU may Die and HE may LIVE”.

Matthew 16:25
For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.

That’s truly is the call of any disciple of Jesus Christ. In scripture there were crowd of people who followed Jesus just for popularity or to follow the latest sign/wonder. Then their were many who called themselves disciples but fell away after his teaching became difficult or he asked more of them then they were willing to give. Hence the rich young ruler, or the young man who wanted to bury his father (Mark 10:17-27). Lastly were the 12 chosen disciples who were chosen by God to follow him all the way to their own crosses. Each giving their lives for the gospel and being martyrdom besides one, John. Interestingly enough when I gave my life to Jesus I told him with such passion and boldness that I was all in, I mean I told him not only would I live for him, give my life to him but I would die for him if it came to it. That I would never leave him and want to give all that their is for the sake of the gospel….pause ( doesn’t this sound exactly like what Peter said to Jesus lol…I am so a Peter I tell you)

Matthew 26:3-34
Peter said to Him, “Even if all fall away on account of You, I never will.” 34 “Truly I tell you, Jesus declared,“- this very night before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.” 

So I stated this to the Lord boldly really believing I was called to martyrdom in the last days End times army. A soldier who would give her life up for the gospel and die for Jesus!!…sounds so heroic right lol Then the Lord plainly spoke to me last November with such authority and said “Nana I never called you to martyrdom BUT YOU WILL DIE THAT I MAY LIVE”. That statement alone shook me to the core when I heard the Lord speak those words to my heart he really meant it. Not sure which is easier dying in a moment of passion for the sake of the gospel or giving up yourself safe daily and dying to yourself. As you allow the Lord to continue to crush your pride, selfish desires/motives, reactions of the flesh, remove comfortabilities, and call you to a lifestyle of becoming just like him. As Paul stated

 1 Corinthians 15:31
Every day do I die, by the glorying of you that I have in Christ Jesus our Lord:
I have come to realize you can gracefully die that’s by you yielding to the Holy spirit in obedience and holiness or you can fight all the way as the Lord kills your flesh….yup sound about right lol. So what does a crucified life or being a “a laid down lover” look like? Is a bride of Christ who is completely dead to themselves, completely void of their own wants, preferences, opinions and completely abandoned to Gods will. A bride who rejoices in their suffering, trials, inconveniences, pains, tribulation and trials knowing that God has allowed it and if so will turn it for their good. A bride who doesn’t live for the earthly pleasures but lives for the rewards of heaven. A bride who wears a crown of scorn and contempt. Who is criticized, mocked, despised, rejected and persecuted for pursing righteousness, who is judged and misunderstood for walking in obedience. A bride who responds always in love, not defending themselves, not looking for the approval or moved by the criticism of others, one who is meek, lowly and little in their own eyes. A bride who yields his/herself daily in obedience to the Holy Spirit in every decision seeking only what will please the Father and no one else. A bride who is climbing the mountain of holiness with her beloved Jesus Christ picking up their cross daily and following him wherever he leads. That’s how the disciples of old lived their lives not loving it unto death and I believe that is how the Lord is calling his last days remnant church to return back too. Return back to hands not only open to receive from him but hearts that are fully surrendered with hands opened to be pierced to the cross with him.  Am I there yet no, but I have given myself totally to this call by the grace of God that I may be a living sacrifice for our Jesus. I hope you do the same too
(speaking to St. Faustina the stations of the cross)
Jesus:
Do you see these souls? Those who are like Me in the pain and contempt they suffer will be like Me also in glory. And those who resemble Me less in pain and contempt will also bear less resemblance to Me in glory
-From Jesus with Love

Kenya Mission Trip, Nothing I Expected But Everything I Needed!

 

 

 

 

 

REPENTANCE
“I am going to convict you of your motives this coming week. I am
going to expose attitudes and habits that have hindered you and
prevented you from becoming who you truly are in Me. Some things
may come as a shock to you, when you see why you really do what you
do.
“But this is for your own good. This is to remove more spots from
your wedding gown. This is to bring you to repentance. And if any
think more highly of themselves than they do of others, well, you will
discover just how lowly you are. This is a good thing. For truly I lift up
the humble but decrease the stature of the proud.” – (Rhema Book by Clare Du Bois)

Welp, that sums up my trip pretty much LOL. Truly the Lord sent me all the way to Kenya to do a work in my heart, to think I was going to minister to people but, He used this trip to minister to me. So with that said my Kenya Mission trip was not what I expected and everything I needed. It truly superseded my expectations because it was God’s expectation and his perfect plan and will the whole time!

If I would’ve been honest with myself going to Kenya I had many expectation because the Lord had indeed redirected my attention to this mission trip when it was the last thing on my mind. I had been given a dream from him about 6 months ago where I was in Kenya putting on an event and sharing the gospel with the local village ladies. So I knew sometime in the near future I would be going to Kenya just not now. So upon leaving for the next 10 days I thought I was going to Kenya to make a divine connection in order to put this future event together among many expectations of seeing the blind eyes open, captives set free, miracles, signs and wonders! LOL Oh how I am still learning what true ministry is, just every day loving and serving people.

So I found myself stepping unto Kenyan soil and it felt like home for me. I knew this is exactly where the Lord wants me to be at that very moment. We had gone with the main itinerary  to assist and serve for a 4 days Pastors Conference held at CMM. Whereby over 400 pastors from Kenya and Uganda come to be refreshed, renewed, & equipped for their ministries. Once arriving I realized a life of a missionary isn’t always exciting or followed with signs, wonders and miracles but, I found God’s delight in the lowliest of thing. In sweeping, cleaning, serving, washing dishes, praying for people and just merely serving that brought God glory.

The Negative Motive & Attitudes in My heart the Lord showed me through out the week I had to repent for:

    1. Resisting submission to authority
    2. Seeking approval and affirmation from man
    3. Complaining & ungratefulness
    4. Self- righteous attitudes
    5. Pride
    6. Discontentment
    7. Result based motives
    8. Selfish desires
    9. Critical/ judgmental thoughts

Therefore you can see why the Lord began to reveal these issues in m y heart, its so true the saying the Lord heals in layers. Many of these attitudes I thought I was free from but he showed me how I was resisting authority in my heart as everything I felt the Lord telling me to do was shut down as a precaution being a different country, how I was still seeking mans approval to affirm Gods call upon me and being turned down felt like rejection, how I than began to complain instead of being grateful for the opportunity to serve, how quickly it turned to pride/self righteous/ attitude thinking highly of myself, which led to selfish desires of wanting to be used by God in a “big” way, then eventually turning into critical and judgmental thoughts towards others….sheeesh Did I ever tell you how much of a hotmess I am lol but, its okay because as the Lord once said to me ” I am HIS hotmess” haha and how He loves me just the same. What a merciful, gracious and patience God we serve. So if the Lord can still use me, train me, and love me as I am that what makes you think he cant do that for you my friend! I love Jesus

The week before I left for Kenya the Lord gave me two Rhemas the first was to “seek the lowliest place in everything” and the second was “To be servant of all and least of all”. That is exactly what I learned on this trip that a leader is only as good as how they follow and indeed the lowliest place is the best place to be. It means to seek positions, service in places no one else wants to do or go. To also exalt others and their ministries above your own. I found myself immediately praying for my team members, seeing their virtue and value in the group. I began to have so much joy in serving, helping, cleaning and doing whatever I was asked to do. There was sooo much that happened in Kenya that it couldn’t fit in one post, that’s what Youtube is for 🙂 but, the greatest of it all is that the Lord did a work in my heart and that of all my team member’s in the most amazing way. He removed our mask, revealed our hearts to each other than unified us. To serve people, intercede for Kenya and to sow seeds of his love wherever we went!

THE BEST KENYA MISSION TEAM EVER!!
R-L top to bottom
Samuel, Ben, Pastor Aaron, Alex
Daisy, Lesley, Monica, Melissa, Rachel
ME(Nana) Cindy, Kelly, Rebecca, Jenny

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-From Jesus With Love

 

 

 

 

 

Its Our Anniversary!!

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So its our anniversary!, yes the day I finally surrendered completely control to the one who deserves control Jesus! lol It was 3 years ago on January 1, 2014 I remember I was at my little sisters house and I had been toiling with this decision for a couple of weeks now. After receiving a prophetic word from two different people confirming God wanted me to lay down my event business, clothing line and desire to move to NY in order to follow MY dreams instead now to follow HIM. That was a tough and scary decision as I was on the couch I just prayed I believe the most sincere prayer as I told him “that I was scared to let go and give him complete control but I would do it” Immediately after I said that prayer my phone had a notification the bible verse of the day and it was:

Isaiah 41:10
Don’t be afraid for I am with you
Don’t be discouraged for I am your God
I will strengthen you and help you
I will lift you up with my victorious right hand

I remember then running to my sisters room with the phone in the palm of my hand shaking in shock saying ” Omg he answered me, he answered me” with excitement lol
In all honesty I had made a commitment in my heart to give complete control over to Jesus for about a year to see what he could do lol. Well we see who won and who will always win…Oh ye of little faith, that was truly me.

Now 3 years later what can I say about my beloved bridegroom Jesus, he indeed has become my everything. He once said to me that “if I don’t know him and his ways how can I then walk in my assignment and calling”. He has indeed been faithful in showing me my true identity, my purpose and has filled every void and cleaned up every throne in my heart that I had. He not only King of my  heart but of my life, my decisions, my thoughts, and reactions. I didn’t know how lost I was until He found me! That’s what I love about him drawing me into intimacy . I have realized Jesus desires this relationship with all his children. That’s what the cross did for all those who will and do believe in Jesus. It restores back to your true identity as a son and daughter of God. Having fellowship and communion with him daily which is available to anyone who would believe and surrender their whole life that Christ would live through you as his disciple and bride.

You see I was a believer but not a disciple and definitely not a bride. I hadn’t fully surrendered, I had the holy spirit around me but he wasn’t indwelling within me. That’s the beauty in surrender, you give up what wasn’t yours in the first place……your life because Jesus Christ died for all men and in him alone you have life.We have been through so much together it truly feels like a marriage not even kidding lol   Now as his bride and disciple I know what that scripture means to be a submitted wife:

Ephesians 5:22
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord

Ooooh how I have learned and still learning the true meaning of submission unto the Lord. Its difficult at times for sure because its crucifying your flesh  and truly DIE to yourself completely which is all by Gods grace and his work in us.  He indeed has and is preparing me for marriage…Heeey now! lol I went through my old journals  to look back at the many things I didn’t know and have come to know now walking with the Lord these past 3 years.

What I have learned about being the bride of Christ:

  • Its soooooo rewarding!
  • I was sent by God here on this earth to testify of him and be a witness to the light that’s inside of me…Jesus! John 1
  • He dwells in my heart so I have to keep it pure
  • Obedience, Obedience, Obedience lol oh and Trust, Trust, Trust hehe
  • I am the highlight of his day! (we all are actually !)
  • I have the same grace to walk just like Jesus did on this earth!
  • The fastest way to His heart is through worship, he literally shows up and something supernatural happens!
  • It is difficult, it will cost you everything for the word say  “narrow and difficult is the way that leads to life and few go there in” Matthew 7:14
  • Your life calls for complete abandonment to self-desires, motives, plans, strengths and complete surrender to the Lord
  • This intimacy is available to everyone who desires it….”seek him UNTIL you find him” Jeremiah 29:13
  • Giving up is not an option, to take Jesus hands when things get difficult and allow him to carry me
  • That we all have the ability to actually hear and see Jesus in the spirit! Matthew 5:8
  • Jesus loves to dance, He is so tender, sensitive, funny, and so loving!
  • That my life should always be to raise others up around me than myself
  • The greatest power on earth is LOVE and he has given all his brides a gift of love
  • I have been called to a life of suffering, rejection and death (to self) just like my beloved Christ
  • That I am called to look just like Christ I will be persecuted, accused, made fun of, rejected, scorned, talked about….that’s all normal because that’s when I look most like him
  • He uses the worst situation and people to test my heart in love, patience and charity
  • My Enemies are a gift from him and not enemies at all. He uses them to purify me so I should bless them and be thankful instead
  • The more difficult and dark the situation or person the better because the light in me can shine brighter
  • He has given me charge over the angels of heaven, I can command their assistance in anything….I love the angels! Matthew 28:18
  • I am called to love others to Christ
  • To be humble, to little, to be the least, to be overlooked, to become a beggar for his sake is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven
  • To always gives thanks in everything…..I mean everything

 

So have you been feeling a pull on your heart this year 2017, to finally surrender ALL to the Lord. Not just surrender your Sundays by going to church and maybe even Wednesdays for bible study but no surrender all that you are. Surrender your heart, your life, and dreams completely to the one who is in control of ALL things, to the one who created the universe, to the one who has ALL authority over heaven and earth and most importantly to the one that died for you that you may live…..in him, Jesus. I am telling you surrender it all to him, surrender this year to him and stand back, let go of control, watch and be in awe at what he does in and with your life!

-From Jesus with Love