Finally Tasting The Sweetness of The Hidden Life

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              Psalm 34:8 

Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

Yesterday, was my 35th birthday and it was by far the best birthday I ever had because I had finally tasted the sweetness of the hidden life! The Lord had given me that rhema so many times this past year and the most painful times in my life. I struggled with that word and began to ask the Lord to please help me then to taste the sweetness because all I kept feeling was pain. You see too hide yourself in the Lord is one thing but, to be hidden by God is another. Many of us want to be in the public eye, want our world to surround around us, to be noticed, recognized, honored and esteemed by others. However, I now know the hidden life is where its at! Especially a hidden life in Christ where your virtues and gifts go unnoticed, people tend to think of you as insignificant and where you live a life in obscurity in the eyes of the world but, tasting the very real, sweet and physical presence and love of our Lord.  I was reading one of the holy books where it mentioned that “Jesus loved his life of obscurity more than he did his public life where he was known for the sign and wonders he performed”.

We live in a generation that despises obscurity and has such a compulsion to share everything. With social media everything becomes news, publicity, instant, such a strong desire to show others what is going on in our lives and we become self centered then God centered even as christians. Especially, if you are called to ministry there is such a tendency to want to expose yourself, promote yourself and your ministry. Rather, than allowing the Lord to keep you tucked away, hidden, in that dark room where he can process you, train you, teach you, grow you, stretch you and build you up. We can despise that hidden place the Lord calls us too because there you have no praise, no respect, no honor from men but, we have it from the Lord. Only if we would realize and desire that would be enough, only then can you tase the sweetness of the hidden life.

I struggled with that for a long while when the Lord called me to lay everything down to follow him. Every year he would continuously tell me to wait..wait…wait… and wait some more. I didn’t understand what it is I was waiting for as I began to take my eyes off of Him and look to others in comparison who seemed to be doing wonderful things for the Lord. It seemed he would continue to sit me on the shelf and push me back further and further. I now realize he was drawing me deeper and deeper to himself! Away from any creature that my affection will solely before him alone. Oh, how I have prayed that and desired that with my whole heart and this year he has cleaned the throne room of my heart where all that sits is him! Every birthday I would make it a big deal, throw big parties, have photoshoots, worship nights, dinners however, this year felt different. After going through one of the most toughest trials in my walk as I answered the call to a religious life as a Franciscan sister. Which cost me almost all my relationships, friendships, comforts and titles. I found myself truly now hidden in Christ and stripped of everything besides the lover of my soul. I found myself so full of peace, joy, contentment, hope and such great love words can’t even explain. The pain of having everything and everyone removed from me was so worth now having Jesus alone in the throne room of my heart and the center of my life. WHAT FREEDOM!!!

I had told him that I wanted to offer my birthday for those souls who were forgotten, rejected, abandoned, and felt so unloved. That all the consolations, gifts and graces he would give me for my birthday would be given to those souls instead . I prayed that he would make those in my community forget my birthday and I wouldn’t tell anyone as well. I deactivated my facebook so no one could reach out or would remember because I wanted to be forgotten and take on the cross of those who are forgotten.  I wanted my celebration to between me and Jesus hidden in his heart. What do you know, the Lord answers my prayer! lol.  I woke up that morning with a praise song on my heart as rushed into the pasture to our Blessed Mothers Praying tree to worship with the Lord and all the saints. I had the most amazing time ever!!! I found myself before the physical presence of Jesus as a priest I had my monstrance before me ( which is an open or transparent receptacle in which the consecrated Host is exposed for veneration)
 on some crates as I danced and worshiped all morning long with Jesus, the saints and the angels. I always have a playlist and ask holy spirit to pick the songs and he even played a birthday song which was so awesome letting me know how present he truly was. There were many times I broke down in tears, sobbing at God’s faithfulness in my life and his immense mercy towards me. That he had answered the cry of my heart all those nights, trials, battles, I would get on my knees asking him that I wanted more of him, that I wanted him to be my sole desire, that I wanted  to know his heart and be one with him, that I wanted to be filled with his spirit…. he has answered. As I was on my knees before His physical presence he had indeed given me himself fully, body, soul and divinity to me. That He had now come become my sole desire and affection after stripping me of everyone and everything all I had was him. In obsucrity, on my birthday, on my knees, with no one else around before Blessed Mothers sacred praying tree in the wilderness. I had finally found and tasted the sweetens of the hidden life!

So my dear friend, don’t despise humble beginning, don’t despise that hidden place the Lord has you in or is calling you into. A life out of the public eye in the wilderness in a retreat to the closest heart that matters. That of your Lord and Savior in complete obscurity to those in the world but, very visible, known and lavishly loved by the lover of your soul Jesus. There in lies true happiness, true joy, true peace, true purpose, true contentment and true sweetness!

 

 

“The hidden life seems gloomy to you because you have never tasted it’s sweetness”

-Jesus
(rhema word)

-From Jesus With Love

The Lord is My Shepherd….and He Leads Me His Way

Image result for God leading the way

The Lord put it on our hearts for us all to watch “Tortured for Christ” Voice of the Martyr’s movie which tells of true story of Richard Wurmbrandin Romania when they were taken over by the communist. Many Christians were put into prison camps tortured, and died for their faith in Jesus. Towards the end of the movie there was a young man who was on his death bed sick with TB and he was talking to Richard and said that the scriptures had never been more real until now and he is okay that his shepherd had led him to a lie in sick bed so if that was the Lords will he would accept it. He died giving his medication to Richard so that he may live. At that moment Psalm 23 I had what you would call an epiphany with that scripture. This young man truly understood what it meant for the Lord to be his shepherd when many of us Christians still struggle with that today.

I am one of them as I learn to let go and trust the Lord to lead me and lay me down wherever he wills.  Many times when you read that scripture or even look up images for that psalm you see a shepherd or Jesus with sheep in lush green pastures but it hit me that wherever God lays you down is indeed green pastures.  Alot of the time we have our preconceived notations about what the Lord should do with us, how he should do it and where he should place us but this young man understand. That in a communist prison, on a sick bed about to die that the good shepherd had led him there. It was the devils plan, an attack or a witch (especially if your African) lol. However, I believe he had finally come to peace that he was one of Gods sheep and he was in complete control of his life whether good or bad.

When the Lord led me to leave my beautiful apartment to come back to my mothers house to babysit my nieces. I never thought to consider this my pasture for the mean time. I mean there have been some valley moments be He has led me here. So in fact the Lord is saying where ever he lays you down is green pastures. In green pastures the sheep find rest, our fed, our protected, our refreshed, and our taken care of. One may ask how can sickness, suffering, not having your own place be green pasture when all around things seem so bleak. However, I realize in this place  I have been equipped, humbled, broken, healed, found my rest in the Lord, fed from his Heart, protected, refreshed and taken care of. He has led me in his way not my way.

So where my beloved fellow sheep  has the Lord led you? What does your green pasture look like? To some it may not look like the pasture or seem so green but indeed the Lord, our good shepherd has led you there to lay for a season and even when we are in the valley we need to not fear for he is even nearer. Don’t give up because if you do you may never reach that table that he has already set, and prepared for you to sit in the presence of your enemies that you may be a testimony of someone who trusted, had faith and believed in your shepherd. When others didn’t understand where he was leading you too, you never wandered from his staff and rod.

-From Jesus With Love

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
    he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

 

 

 

Is Jesus Truly Enough……Is He Really?

pouting

We hear this “Christianize” phrase often if that’s what you want to call it but, its a pretty solid question. Most believers say it, we declare it in songs…”Jesus your all we need”, “Less of me more of you”, “Christ is enough for me”. Now lets be honest how many of us actually believe that and live by that? Well that’s exactly what the Lord has been teaching me this week or should I say challenging me with that question. Asking ” Nana am I truly enough for you”? Hmmm I  love this picture honestly I imagine that’s how I look like with Jesus about half the time, Lord help me lol.

I’m so gratefully that He is so patience, tender and gentle with me even when I pout when his will doesn’t match up with my desires. You see this past week I found myself falling into anxiousness again bewildered about what the Lord was and is doing in my life.  He finally spoke to me about a job He wanted me to apply for. Finally, I thought after 6 months of unemployment with it ending today I just knew that I would apply and would get a quick response, interview and of course the job. But, no I haven’t heard anything back from them, hence the anxious thoughts began then follows the doubt. I found myself looking at my situation and being discouraged this morning. I started thinking about my lack of provision, what I was going to do, with No job, no car and if I can be honest no husband lol. Yes, I started thinking about all of it like Lord when, Lord when. I realized I had based my joy and all my emotions based on my circumstances and what I didn’t or did have rather than Jesus. How often as believers do we do that, yet we say Jesus your are enough.

 If you find completion, contentment or joy in anythings else than Jesus, He then is in fact not enough

I had the most amazing experience a few days prior where i felt power and electricity shoot through my whole body. The feeling was so amazing it took my breath away literally, then immediately after breathing in I felt like a gush of warmth, felt like Gods love and goodness wash over me. It was enough to make me melt lol Seriously, I felt as if Jesus had held his breath and blew on me, it was soooo wonderful and in that very moment. I knew why David said this one thing I inquire of and seek is to dwell in the presence of the Lord for all the days of my life. For David, Jesus became enough! He had all of Israel , all the riches  and as many concubines he could have but for King David that wasn’t enough all he wanted was Gods presence. In that very moment I realized that’s all I wanted, that’s all we were created to desire is Gods presence. I found myself in my prayer closet thinking If I had a husband in my bed, children running around, a nice vehicle outside, my dream job and amazing ministry that would honestly be NOTHING compared to Gods presence. Most importantly it would mean NOTHING without Jesus. At that very moment I didn’t care for anything else in the world but my sweet Jesus and to be in his presence for all the days of my life. I just wanted more of him and to know him more that’s it.

John 17:13
I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them.

However, night I went to bed anxious, I felt the anxiety on my back and neck. I even had a horrible restless night. I woke up feeling discouraged, tired and weary and during my alone time this morning I felt Jesus speaking to me tenderly “Nana I am here” ,”Nana I am right here” I could feel his presence so strongly.  Reminding me again, am I enough for you Nana because I am right here with you. Concentrate on my sweet presence with you in every moment and let everything else go” I began to realize how easy it is to forget Jesus’s presence, to forget that he is literally with us, living with us, walking with us doing life with us. How it hurts him when we confess that he is enough yet we walk discouragement or even discontentment when we don’t get what we want and at the time we want it. When we want more things, more love, more validation, more , more. When we have the living God walking with us abounding in his love and grace to us all yet He is not enough. So is Jesus truly enough, Are we willing to abandon ourselves to his will, whatever that may look like? I had to ask myself If that job never came, or vehicle, or family would he be enough…..and He would. We have been studying John in our bible study group and reading this passage touched my heart. A beautiful prayer Jesus prayed for all believers when he was here still in the world. He  asked the father that we may have the full measure of HIS joy within us. Isn’t that amazing and that its available to us all. So that was my prayer this morning and for you if you can relate to this blog:

Jesus forgive me for putting selfish desires, selfish ambitions and things before you. Forgive me for finding contentment based on my circumstances rather than what was done for me by your sacrifice on the cross. I pray Lord that I would abandon myself to your perfect will, that I would become nothing and you would become everything in me and through me. Humble me Lord, I  pray that I would lay die my life and worldly passions. Deliver me from the opinions of others . I pray that I would have the full measure of your Joy Jesus within me and I would find contentment and joy in you alone. May the one thing I seek and inquire of is to dwell in your presence for all the days of my life. May you be enough for Jesus name. Amen!

 

 

Trails Of Faithfulness

lonely-girl-walking-on-road

My birthday was on the 10th of this month and which caused me to sit back and reflect on where I am now and where I used to be. I can honestly say this  was a difficult day so many arrows from the enemy telling me nothing has changed and feeling of no accomplishments. I had many people write beautiful messages on my Facebook wall and even text me but no phone calls besides family and If I can be honest I felt so alone, I thought man my Facebook page is looking like my memorial page LOL but I’m not dead yet sheesh people could just call me and tell me those nice things would’ve appreciate it so much more. You know as I am typing this I realize goodness that’s how we treat God sometimes, many know about him by quoting scriptures all day, going to church, posting bible versus, talking about Him,  and even preach about Him but how many spend time with Him. I can imagine He feels the same way sometimes. Saying  “man these people are always talking about me but their hearts are so far from me as He too feels alone, waiting and desiring them to come to him, KNOW him, spend time with him talking too Him and loving Him. (This is so the Holy Spirit by the way so no the direction of the blog but I love it he gave me that revelation as I am typing, Haha love Him!)

So since losing my job and being at home it has honestly been a struggle daily and my birthday was no different I had to tell myself “Nana get out of self pity don’t you see the Lord has done amazing things in you life don’t let what you see influence what you know” One lie I had believed was ” This is the story of my life motto” I would say it all the time in my heart when patterns in my life showed itself but during a Kairos session at my church the Lord revealed I had believed that lie, that’s exactly what it was a lie! The Lord spoke to my heart and spoke this truth instead:

Hebrews 12:2  I AM the author and finisher of your faith

I thought wow Lord, so true, you are right! My story is not written based on my experiences, my opinions or circumstances you do. Thank you Jesus! We can all take comfort in that if you are in a season which seems uncomfortable and your becoming the slightest bit hopeless or discouraged know that God is complete control he is not surprised by where you are, what has happened and where your going trust him to lead in all things knowing that he indeed works ALL things for his glory!

Romans 8:28
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

The Lord told me to lay my business, clothing line and jewelry line down to follow him. So the Holy Spirit put it on my heart to go through my old journals that chronicled my 2 1/2 years of walking with the Lord.  To go back and see the many answered prayers, the many promises and how clearly the Lord has been speaking to me. To truly see his trail of faithfulness in my life because that’s what the enemy was attacking my faith to believe that God is indeed faithful. So I did just that and below I wanted to share  the many altars of Gods faithfulness in my life.

Journal Entries:
Sept 24,2014
You spoke to my heart that your preparing me for something not sure what, you told me that “Sometimes you don’t give us the blessing because we don’t have the capacity or character to handle it”

Sep 27, 2014

The Lord gave me a dream which I believe he is saying that he has called me into ministry of the Gospel and has given me a grace of leadership, I’m in the preparation process and that the enemy is after my prayer life. God has given me a gift of discernment & intercession setting me apart to be victorious in prayer ….my thoughts, really?!!!! Lord me

October 6, 2014

During small group as we prayed for my sister with a complicated pregnancy the Lord revealed to a sister in Christ  a picture of flowing water. Not knowing my sister had no water in her belly and her baby was in danger of death the Lord declared he would provide the water to sustain that child

October 15, 2014

I told the Lord that ” I would be bold for him and take the Love of God and be a world changer” after hearing Pastor Ravi Zacharias speak.

November 4, 2014

I asked the Lord to reveal if my sister should began her poetry book and he gave me a dream that night directing me that it wasn’t the right time

November 21, 2014

Prayed for a close friend who needed a breakthrough and she  got a job that same week

December 2, 2014

Had intense spiritual attack of lust/perversion and after pressing in for a week the Lord gave me the victory

December 11,2014

The Lord finally gave me direction on my calling by admonishing me saying ” If you don’t know my ways and they are not implanted in your hearts how can you then walk in your assignment” (shut me up) lol

December 22, 2014 (fulfilled prophecy)

A brother in Christ calls me with a prophetic word that people are drawn to me because of Christ . That my walk will be very uncomfortable but I should walk by faith and that many will come to know Christ through me. Also that their would be loved ones who would distant themselves from me but I shouldn’t be sad God would restore our relationship.

January 28,2015
The Lord reveals in a  dream that my brother would be released sooner than later…(and he was)

February 27, 2015
I asked the Holy Spirit to teach me how to pray

April, 15, 2015

I met my sisters new boyfriend and prayed right then if he was meant to be with my sister to stay for bible study and if not for him to leave. (Not only did he stay but he surrendered his life and now getting married next year!)

April 22, 2015

The Lord spoke to move out of my moms house and finally got approved for my own apartment!

June 05, 2015

The Lord put it on my heart to began a fellowship meeting at my house despite fears and insecurities. (has grown and do it everyday Friday)

February 11,2015
The Lord confirmed that he wanted me to start a blog and youtube channel despite fears and insecurities. ( hence writing today  with 22 blogs and 640 subscribers later….God is amazing!)

January 18, 2015

In he midst of deep hurt and betrayal He spoke ” I am transforming you and your family”

November 27, 2015
Prayed for divine friendships and relationship that go deep ( he has answered that!)

December 8, 2015

Gave me the idea to extend our Date Night with Jesus event and take it outside to the Homeless. ( by his grace were doing that this month will be our fourth time!…he is faithful)

Romans 8: 28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

 

I had stop because I couldn’t write all his promises on this blog! LOL Wow, reading all of these going down in memory lane made me smile. My God is indeed faithful when you are in the midst of a trials, test or suffering the enemy of your soul would love for you to focus on your present situation and forgot all that God has said and done but truly Gods word does not return void. If he said it he will do it!! Thinking of the many times I wrote down my thoughts not realizing it was actually Jesus speaking and now looking back realizing that it was indeed him! That  truly is a different type of joy I get knowing that I hear the voice of God 🙂 How I thank him for such a wonderful grace! So what promise are you going to revive or cling too one again? Know that God is indeed faithful as you continue to Trust him, Follow his lead in blind obedience you will be able to look back and be in awe at what he does in you life!