Finally Tasting The Sweetness of The Hidden Life

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              Psalm 34:8 

Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

Yesterday, was my 35th birthday and it was by far the best birthday I ever had because I had finally tasted the sweetness of the hidden life! The Lord had given me that rhema so many times this past year and the most painful times in my life. I struggled with that word and began to ask the Lord to please help me then to taste the sweetness because all I kept feeling was pain. You see too hide yourself in the Lord is one thing but, to be hidden by God is another. Many of us want to be in the public eye, want our world to surround around us, to be noticed, recognized, honored and esteemed by others. However, I now know the hidden life is where its at! Especially a hidden life in Christ where your virtues and gifts go unnoticed, people tend to think of you as insignificant and where you live a life in obscurity in the eyes of the world but, tasting the very real, sweet and physical presence and love of our Lord.  I was reading one of the holy books where it mentioned that “Jesus loved his life of obscurity more than he did his public life where he was known for the sign and wonders he performed”.

We live in a generation that despises obscurity and has such a compulsion to share everything. With social media everything becomes news, publicity, instant, such a strong desire to show others what is going on in our lives and we become self centered then God centered even as christians. Especially, if you are called to ministry there is such a tendency to want to expose yourself, promote yourself and your ministry. Rather, than allowing the Lord to keep you tucked away, hidden, in that dark room where he can process you, train you, teach you, grow you, stretch you and build you up. We can despise that hidden place the Lord calls us too because there you have no praise, no respect, no honor from men but, we have it from the Lord. Only if we would realize and desire that would be enough, only then can you tase the sweetness of the hidden life.

I struggled with that for a long while when the Lord called me to lay everything down to follow him. Every year he would continuously tell me to wait..wait…wait… and wait some more. I didn’t understand what it is I was waiting for as I began to take my eyes off of Him and look to others in comparison who seemed to be doing wonderful things for the Lord. It seemed he would continue to sit me on the shelf and push me back further and further. I now realize he was drawing me deeper and deeper to himself! Away from any creature that my affection will solely before him alone. Oh, how I have prayed that and desired that with my whole heart and this year he has cleaned the throne room of my heart where all that sits is him! Every birthday I would make it a big deal, throw big parties, have photoshoots, worship nights, dinners however, this year felt different. After going through one of the most toughest trials in my walk as I answered the call to a religious life as a Franciscan sister. Which cost me almost all my relationships, friendships, comforts and titles. I found myself truly now hidden in Christ and stripped of everything besides the lover of my soul. I found myself so full of peace, joy, contentment, hope and such great love words can’t even explain. The pain of having everything and everyone removed from me was so worth now having Jesus alone in the throne room of my heart and the center of my life. WHAT FREEDOM!!!

I had told him that I wanted to offer my birthday for those souls who were forgotten, rejected, abandoned, and felt so unloved. That all the consolations, gifts and graces he would give me for my birthday would be given to those souls instead . I prayed that he would make those in my community forget my birthday and I wouldn’t tell anyone as well. I deactivated my facebook so no one could reach out or would remember because I wanted to be forgotten and take on the cross of those who are forgotten.  I wanted my celebration to between me and Jesus hidden in his heart. What do you know, the Lord answers my prayer! lol.  I woke up that morning with a praise song on my heart as rushed into the pasture to our Blessed Mothers Praying tree to worship with the Lord and all the saints. I had the most amazing time ever!!! I found myself before the physical presence of Jesus as a priest I had my monstrance before me ( which is an open or transparent receptacle in which the consecrated Host is exposed for veneration)
 on some crates as I danced and worshiped all morning long with Jesus, the saints and the angels. I always have a playlist and ask holy spirit to pick the songs and he even played a birthday song which was so awesome letting me know how present he truly was. There were many times I broke down in tears, sobbing at God’s faithfulness in my life and his immense mercy towards me. That he had answered the cry of my heart all those nights, trials, battles, I would get on my knees asking him that I wanted more of him, that I wanted him to be my sole desire, that I wanted  to know his heart and be one with him, that I wanted to be filled with his spirit…. he has answered. As I was on my knees before His physical presence he had indeed given me himself fully, body, soul and divinity to me. That He had now come become my sole desire and affection after stripping me of everyone and everything all I had was him. In obsucrity, on my birthday, on my knees, with no one else around before Blessed Mothers sacred praying tree in the wilderness. I had finally found and tasted the sweetens of the hidden life!

So my dear friend, don’t despise humble beginning, don’t despise that hidden place the Lord has you in or is calling you into. A life out of the public eye in the wilderness in a retreat to the closest heart that matters. That of your Lord and Savior in complete obscurity to those in the world but, very visible, known and lavishly loved by the lover of your soul Jesus. There in lies true happiness, true joy, true peace, true purpose, true contentment and true sweetness!

 

 

“The hidden life seems gloomy to you because you have never tasted it’s sweetness”

-Jesus
(rhema word)

-From Jesus With Love

God’s Desire For The Month Of September: Recognize the Fruitless Reckonings of the World and Shut Them Out

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At the Home of Martha and Mary

 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a]Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

So I was unaware that I had been “Martha, a runaway bride these past  2 months., running after things of the world and neglecting my sweet bridegroom Jesus. If I can be honest it has been somewhat dry in prayer for the past few weeks The Lord began to teach us how to hear his voice, have conversations with him and grow in discernment. So for the month of  May and June I began to press in to really grow in that gift hearing from the Lord. It was rough many times since we have very really enemies that hate you to be intimate with Jesus. The demons will try all sorts of things, distractions, demonic thoughts, suggestion ad best of all sent lying spirit to speak and if you don’t discern you may write down what the Lord didn’t say. So to say the least, I would get so anxious at times attempting to write in my journal what the Lord said. However in his grace and mercy he began to teach me to come before him like a little child and just write what was on my heart. As I began to do that I was not only hearing from Jesus but having conversations with him but I began to get laxed as time when back and even walking in unbelief many times regarding what I would hear. So as time went on I stopped seeking conversations with him and I was just comfortable with a word or rhema.

I began to realize that my desire for prayer began to dampen subtly and I got more excited about “doing work” for Jesus. I got more excited in writing the blogs, doing the youtube channel, working on outreach and “doing ministry” forgetting the most important ministry as a bride of Christ is to tend to my bridegroom Jesus. How we easily forget that. Even in an earthly marriage we often hear the saying ” Your first ministry is your family”. Well I am hear to tell you ladies and gentleman too 🙂 the first ministry all of us brides have is to tend to our “Husband, bridegroom Jesus”. So I became a Martha, I found myself coming into his presence for direction on what to DO next but not just to spend time with him sadly. I would began getting frustrated when not hearing anything and would still use the rhemas to be directed by Holy Spirit. Thinking he was maybe being silent as a cross for me to bare for just the moment. Not realizing how far away I was from his heart. I mean don’t get me wrong I would still have extensive times in prayer but would find myself falling asleep or just not being able to connect with the Lord.

I began to be content with not drinking from the purest well, the Lords mouth concerning direction in my life which caused my faith to be shaky at times.

Then today he gave me this prophetic message through heartdweller website  from the message  http://search.stillsmallvoicetriage.org/cache/mes359_en-US.pdf

“Had she been listening to Me and Me alone, none of her time would have been wasted on these things. Rather, she would have been more productive for Me. Not self-centered, but God centered. Do you hear Me, My Bride? Oh, I do so hope you hear Me. Come along now, stop flirting with the world, return to My Pure Embrace, leave your self-seeking and striving behind you. I miss you, I miss the comfort of your arms, and your glance, and your embrace.

“I miss you.

 That’s why I’ve called and called and called you back to Me. I wanted to save you from the error of your ways, of men’s ways and hold you close to My heart, where all is peaceful and edifying. But no, you have sought the noisy byways and high ways of the worldly. So, now is the time to turn from your own wisdom, your own strength, your own striving, your own thinking, and embrace Me. As you listen to My Heartbeat, all that you need to know about Me and My world will be disclosed to you with each beat of My Hear” -Jesus

So I ask you have you been a Martha? Have you been so caught up with “doing ministry” doing “things” for Jesus rather than BEING WITH HIM? Have you measured the success of your closeness with Jesus by the success of the work you do, your prayers answered or even the anointing you have? None of those things matter besides being with  and there for our sweet bridegroom and getting clear direction from the one who knows it all. I believe this message is to encourage all that next month the Lord wants us to detach from so many distractions, worldly pursuits and work just to spend time in his arms. He need us, He need YOU and  He needs  me excited to get back into his resting arms

-From Jesus with love